Parents teenagers and sanity
Years ago you brought home this beautiful bundle of joy, a new baby. You cared for your newborn infant by feeding, bathing and most importantly holding and loving your him
. In a very short time your child began crawling, walking and running. Being a loving parent you made sure that your child didn't put objects into her mouth that could be harmful, you protected your child from the electric outlets and the hot stove.
The first day of school was exciting for both of you. Your baby was growing up and you delighted in each new achievement. Starting school was just the beginning as new friends, new teachers, began to influence your child's thinking.
It was a easy to see your child in a joyful and delightful manner as your expectations were high for what a wonderful person this child would one day grow into. All possibilities for a wonderful future dwelt within as you watched your child grow from infancy, to toddler and young child.
Almost overnight you awakened to find that your delightful toddler, you're beautiful child had turned into a teenager. Teenagers sometimes seem like a whole new breed of being. In some ways they actually are, they are no longer children, they are not yet an adult. At some time before a child turns twelve powerful changes begin taking place within them. Chemical changes take place which are beneficial and indicate they are becoming a young woman or a young man.
Keeping your child safe when it was small was a much easier task. It's an easy thing to pick up a toddler having a tantrum and put them in their room. A teenager is another matter. Teenagers see themselves as adults and sometimes in even as rivals with their parents. The chemical changes taking place within teenagers, while necessary for them to obtain adulthood, sometimes turns your teenager into a version of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
Interacting with teenagers can be trying to the nerves . It is probably more important as a parent of a teenager to have well defined roles than it was when your child was much younger. Recently a fifteen year old in the midst of a tantrum blurted out to her parents, “you usually give in by now”. It is very important as a parent regardless of the age of your child that you stick fast to your family's guidelines and rules for behavior. If a small child is allowed to throw a tantrum in order to get his or her way, it is almost a guarantee that that child becomes a teenager that energy will increase and control will become even more difficult. Well defined roles are imperative for a child of any age to feel safe and secure.
A child who feels unsafe and insecure in their environment, will continually push against the limits. When your child was small a great deal of your attention was spent making sure that your child understood the potential harm of a hot stove, outlet, and falling out of a tree. You explained lovingly and patiently that putting things in their ears and up their nose could harm them. It is a equally as important that your teenager knows that you are diligent in helping them to stay safe.
To a child of any age this is a very big world we live in. It is filled with millions of possibilities, some pleasant, some not. While it is normal and natural for most teenagers to push against the rules and against the authority of their parents, extreme pushing is often you being given notice that a teenager does not feel safe. Teens will tell you to back off and let them make their own choices, while at the same time expecting parents to guarantee their safety
Beginning when your children are small define the boundaries clearly. Do not under any circumstances give in to tantrums. stay, cool and collected. The most powerful way that parents teach their children how to behave is through their own behavior. Children will mirror your actions many times more often than they will pay attention to your words, especially if your words are in contrast to your own actions. Decide when your children are small how you will react or act towards their misbehavior. Will you count to ten, will you take a walk, go to your room?
A parent of a four year old was asked what do you do when you feel frustrated and angry. After a few moments of consideration that parent came to realize that the child's outburst were reflecting that parents actions. It is practically impossible to expect a child to behave any differently when feeling angry or frustrated than the parents example. Your children are looking to you to set limits and standards of socially acceptable behavior.
If you haven't set the standards by the time your child comes a teenager all is not lost. Define for yourself and your family the acceptable standards of behavior. Include your teenager in this decision making process. Write down the rules and the consequences of breaking them. Accept that these rules apply for you as well as they do for your teenager. Let your teenager know that you are committed to these standards of behavior.
When the rules are broken, and they will be, stay calm and firm. Consistency is the key to behavior modification. Make up your mind going in that you will never give in to tantrums, or unacceptable behavior. Oftentimes when a child becomes a teenager a parent spends more time pointing an out failings rather than praising the child. It is very important that your teenager knows that you love, approve of and accept them. Remind your teenager that loving them and excepting them, never means that you have to accept lower your standards of behavior.
The native Americans had a wonderful ritual used when a member of the tribe broke the rules. The rule breaker was placed in the middle of a circle lined with family and friends. Rather than pointing out what was wrong with this person, the tribe would remind the rule breaker of their wonderful aspects. We can take a lesson from this today by remembering all the wonderful aspects of our teenagers. Through encouragement and by example, ,mixed with unending patience and acceptance, it is possible for parents and teenagers to come through these years with their sanity intact
If you find yourself in a situation where you are genuinely concerned for your child's well being reach out and get help. Oftentimes reaching out to grandparents and other family members, will benefit both you and your teenager as you both get a different perspective on your problems and issues. When asking for the help of others be sure to state facts,this is not the time to blame or find fault. Stay focused on the issue at hand.
Often just the act of bringing in other members of the family will bring instant change. Teenagers need to know that you are not ashamed of their behavior, you will not be manipulated. Show your teen that you love yourself as much as you love your child. Self live is the most important thing a parent can ever teach a child. It is imperative that a child has self respect and love for themselves to guide them in wise decision making as they turn into adults.
If you find yourself in a situation with your teen or you feel out of control remember first you love that child. Applying healing light to the child. Hold in your mind the situation and your child. Say quietly I love you I'm sorry please forgive me thank you. Repeat this two or three times holding the situation in your mind. Now form am image in your mind of your child being happy, making wise decisions, and enjoying a loving relationship with you. Repeat I love you I'm sorry please forgive me thank you.
Following these steps does not guarantee that you will not have any problems with your teenager, it will guarantee a better relationship and a more pleasant experience for both parent and child. You are very important to your teenager, how you interact during these teen years will give your child details for moving into adulthood on a strong foundation.
Always remember love. Always come back to love. Love will keep you strong, focused and guide you to wisdom.
My newest article. Thank you for reading. Take a look at all the other articles I have up as well.
http://www.examiner.com/examiner/x-14970-Birmingham-Metaphysical-Examiner~y2009m8d19-Parents-teenagers-and-sanity
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